Instant Dyslexic Apocalypse

I bought it in an auction,
That some dude had run online,
To be honest I'd forgotten,
I was quite drunk at the time,
But then I got an email that said...
...That it was now mine.

I opened up the package,
Found an ancient jar in there,
I saw something written on it,
Which advised me to "Beware!",
"Instant Dyslexic Apocalypse...
...Please handle with care."

I was pretty curious,
Kinda wondered what it did,
So despite my better judgement,
Went and loosened up the lid,
Then I heard: "You've really done it now...
...So buckle up kid!!"

I heard the sound of music,
To my utter disbelief,
There were seven crumpets playing,
Strains of "Hail to the Chief",
And right then I saw four Vikings called...
....Bjørn, Sven, Ulf and Leif.

They were the four Norsemen,
Yeah, I probably shoulda guessed,
And they foretold of the judgement,
Of the two enormous breasts,
But I think that they could tell by then...
...I was not impressed.

And the number of the beast?
Knew they'd pull that one for sure,
But when they added it all up,
It was only 6 - 6 - 4,
It was still the number of a man...
...But he lived next door.

I screwed the lid back on then,
Put the jar onto a shelf,
Wrote a passage in my diary,
Called: "Important Note to Self.",
It read: "Don't do shopping when you're wasted...
...It's bad for your health."

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:D

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Cheers BB!

[notes]
Full disclosure, I have dyslexia myself so there is no intended
slight to anyone else. I don't say "suffer from" because I have
just come to accept it as part of the way my brain works - and it
can do some things that others can't which may well be linked...
It was a pain during school-days though because it was neither diagnosed
nor understood way back when. Teachers I know say things have improved.

For those readers unfamiliar with the Apocalypse of John I doubt that
reading some crazy-ass lyric on this forum is going to get them to open
the New Testament. So Wikipedia will guide you through book of Revelation
pretty well if curious - Or you could just listen to "Supper's Ready" by Genesis.
Gabriel packs most of the main points into about 20 minutes around
some, frankly, trancendental keyboard work by Tony Banks.

The gags (such as they are) leverage around the 7 heralding [i]trumpets[/i]
(There are a lot of 7's...) the judgement of the two [i]beasts[/i] (The dragon
and the dead) and the 4 [i]horsemen[/i] (Death, War, Famine and Pestilence)

The number of the beast is of course 666 and I have been doing the "664 is
the bloke that lives next door" joke for as long as I can remember. I don't
claim to be the only one who ever thought of it but I sure didn't pinch it.
667 being the fax number of the beast I lay no claim to but (as I
said in the notes to "Bionic Faxman" way back in 2021) Who has a fax machine
these days anyway?

At the end of the day, there is a central warning here against bidding on stupid
crap on e-bay in the middle of the night when you are down past the label on
the JD bottle... As midnight vices go, I figure it beats drunk-texting
ex-girlfriends hands down. But still...

Anybody want to buy a 1970's Airfix 1:72 scale "Waterloo Assault Set"?
I seem to have two.

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[youtube]e4HfFwVy-h0[/youtube]

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I sometimes travel down the A666 from Blackburn to Bolton but haven't noticed anything amiss. But the devils hide in plain sight, so I'll keep a sharper lookout next time. And in today's news:
https://media.mercola.com/ImageServer/Public/2023/February/PDF/bill-gates-makes-10x-investment-mrna-vaccines-pdf.pdf

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