(The tragic ballad of) Vegetable Stu

A long time ago in a lil' ol' town,
In a lil' ol' part of the world,
Was a general store on the end of a street,
That was run by a beautiful girl,
As cute as a peach in that small town way,
That doesn't need glamour or glitz,
And the name of this girl (like her mother before),
Was Ophelia Abigail Titz.

Admirers? yeah, she had plenty of those,
But there's one that stood out from the rest,
He had a fresh produce stand on the street,
And a passionate heart in his chest,
He sold green beans and carrots and corn,
Bell peppers and eggplant too,
The best you could find in the whole darn' state,
And they called him "Vegetable Stu".

And Stu sang:
"Gonna buy you a big ol' Diamond ring...
I'm gonna make sure that it fits,
Then I'm gonna ask you to be my wife,
How I long for Ophelia Titz."

Now, Stu had a rival who drove the truck,
Delivering beer to the store,
From the bottling factory two towns over,
('bout eighty-five miles or more),
Handsome as the devil and twice as mean,
He was nothin' but a no-good thug,
Who'd sell his own Ma' for a nugget o' gold,
And they called him "Reservoir Doug."

And Doug sang:
"Gonna whisk you off to some fine Hotel...
The Hilton or maybe the Ritz,
We're gonna make love till the stars get tired,
How I long for Ophelia Titz."

On a fine spring day Stu walked in the store,
And he got right down on one knee,
Said "Ophelia Titz I love you so,
And I'm hopin' that you'll marry me,"
All of a sudden the door bust open,
While Stu was still down on the rug,
In came a man with a gun in his hand,
And that man was Reservoir Doug.

Doug was yelling at Stu "You stole my gal!!",
And he shot him right there in the head,
Ophelia screamed and stared at the spot,
Where Vegetable Stu lay dead,
Ophelia reached for her 12 gauge pump,
And she fired off a terrible blast,
And that just about cut Doug clean in half,
It was clear he was breathing his last.

The Cops came over and took in the scene,
They said it was a "Hell of a thing!"
Ophelia told them that Doug killed Stu,
And he tried to steal her diamond ring,
Doug had a gun so she feared for her life,
She kinda had to blow him away,
The Cops said "Yup, that'll do it for us,
Ma'am, enjoy the rest of your day."

Ophelia never did ever get wed,
And she sold the store soon after that,
Took up making pottery out in the barn,
Where she lived with a marmalade cat,
Now and then Stu came back as a ghost,
He was pulling that "wrap-around" schtick,
Y'know, kinda like Patrick Swayze did,
In that terrible eighties flick.

And Stu sang:
"I finally got you into my arms...
Though my head got blasted to bits,
Gonna hold on tight while you throw those pots,
At last I get Ophelia Titz."

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:D:W

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[wl]299673[/wl]

:W

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I never knew it was a blues... Stunning work by Gary and a great band.

Interesting AI image generated from lyric:
[img]https://wloops2.r.worldssl.net/galleries/58120/files/f2064d082d170660d89909bf39f8c835.jpg[/img]

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