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Recording whit someone that is going to die

Recording whit someone that is going to die

posted on #1
Zenon
Member
Posts: 12
Joined: 27 mag 2014
Sry for the broken english.

This is a hard subjet to write about. I have a friend, he plays drums, and he is going to die. Hes very sick...

We improvise every week so we were talking about recording a farewell. The thing is we only improvise. How tha' f*** do i approach this? I am nervous about it, aint a gig that you would go "yeah sure lets play anything" as you would approach an impro session. This IS NOT a normal improvisation, is the f***ing last one for someone, and i am terrified.

Any tips?
posted on #2
Dick Supporter
Posts: 2843
Joined: 30 dic 2010
hmmm. This is surely very difficult to deal with, and I feel it is pretty much impossible to give any good advice on this without knowing your friend a little better. I'd think it really depends on how he is looking at the situation, and how his health affects/limits his options of making music.

From my work experience with people who are about to go, I can say this much:
I have seen many people take a lot longer to finally die than anyone would have predicted, and I have witnessed weird moments where people had come by for the last farewell, and then the old person continued to live for some more years.
This may not be likely with your friend, what I'm trying to say is:
You might want to avoid marking any get together as THE FINAL one, so you keep the door open for maybe one more.
You should be aware it always may have been the final one, but to attempt to nail it yourself... I'm not sure, but maybe your friend also wants to have it "done with"?

Maybe try to switch views and take the position of "music making never really stops - one can tap a drumsolo on ones last blanket, too, why end that source of strength?
I know, the last recording is something else, but will the last recording really make anyone happy? Imagine listening to your last recording and feeling you messed up in some part... now how bad is that?

Maybe you should try to find out what exactly your friend would like to record, and whether it might not also be a good idea to have him record some spoken words if he'd like to "leave something".
Trying to express that in music in an improvisation scenario ... I don't know, I would not want to try and fail with that (and I'm rarely 1000% happy with a recording).

Wishing you and your friend good inspirations on how to deal with the difficult situation.
Just don't "waste" the precious moment aiming to record anything and potentially getting frustrated about it.
You are there, in that situation, together, and instead of crying or complaining, you are making music.
That's greater than any recording will ever be I'd say.

Hope this is OK, not intending to hurt any feelings here.

p.s.
I edited out the f-word from your initial post, please do not use language like that on wikiloops, we have kids around here ;)
+5
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posted on #3
BB6 Supporter
Posts: 139
Joined: 31 ago 2022
He is in the music, soon to be going into an ocean of music and light and rhythm and love and peace. All is well. You are supporting him. All is well. Don't be afraid. Try to savour every moment. Just do your best to love him. You are in the here and now, your friend is going deeper into the here and now. Here and now is where everything is. Nirvana, enlightenment, heaven, all that wonderful stuff is in the here and now. It's nowhere else. It's the place to be. All is well. I hope you can feel it. <3<3<3
+3
posted on #4
rootshell Supporter
Posts: 240
Joined: 4 lug 2020
i'd try and do two things, something structured if you can, and an improvised jam. sometimes, improvised is fun and natural and you can always go back and enjoy it because of it's "raw nature". when i go back and listen to old jams, i love the ones where we actually talked and joked around before starting the song. i had a drummer friend pass away and i'll still go back and listen to everyone joking on a few songs he's on.

good luck Zenon!
+3
posted on #5
MySounds Supporter
Posts: 132
Joined: 19 mar 2022
Dear Zenon,
having been in that same situation twice, I don`t know if I can offer advice but maybe just share my experiences.

I made a concious effort to focus on their wishes. They wanted an enjoyable last experience, one with the serious dedication he had shown all his life, the other with the fun and lightness that was so much part of him. In both cases it was difficult for me but it would have been downright impossible if I had thought along the lines of "this will be the last time we do this".

Trying to say that, yes, it required effort on my part, but the effort went into supressing my thoughts and focussing on us having a good time and NOT to dwell on what comes after. Those thoughts will come anyway later on. And I think both expected me to be my usual self and not to put on an act, even if it was intended for their benefit. What did help me was that I told both that it wasn`t easy for me but if they wanted to do it, my problems were unimportant in relation to what they were facing.

I hope that you have fun playing with your friend. Don`t record a legacy, but record what you enjoy playing and THAT will become his legacy afterwards.

Stay strong!
+2
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